Welcome to My Place! Please Come In...

Every time I read about the Israelites' indifference to what God represents in their lives, I would find myself getting angry, rolling my eyes and sometimes sucking my teeth at their foolishness... Why were they so disobedient, stubborn and unfaithful to God after everything He brought them through? After saving them from slavery? From destruction? From uncertainty? From shame and reproach? From hunger and thirst?... Then a few days ago, pulled out of my self righteousness, it dawned on me that He also did all these for me!... And just like the Israelites, my unfaithfulness knows no bounds. After everything that I've been through, how can I be comfortable with getting involved in the filthiness of prostitution? Trying to see how much I can get away with by selling and sharing my body with more that one man. Can I truly live with being unfaithful to the one and only bridegroom?...

I see myself worshiping other gods like pride, beauty and reputation, to name a few. I'm offering burnt offerings to my worldly desires, feeding my laziness and dealing with God when I feel like it. I notice that I've been giving sacrifices to God, hoping that would make Him overlook my disobedience and unfaithfulness to Him. I find myself sharing my heart that belongs to the one and only bridegroom with other "men". My passion/zeal no longer burn for Him as it should..

 I know that God will remain faithful even in my unfaithfulness because that's just who He is; I'm also aware that even if I'm faithful according to my own understanding, I can never pay/repay God. Most importantly, I am now aware of the fact that if I remain in Him, surrender my heart and life for His useful purpose, then I can truly experience the fullness and abundance of joy in His presence.. "Peace and joy I leave with you, my peace and joy I give you; but not as the world gives" (John 14:27, emphasis mine).. Although the world can give me joy, it will be watered down, won't be full and it definitely won't be an everlasting joy..

 Since I now understand that it's all about having a relationship with You; my heart's desire is to go back to my first love, make more time for my first love and spend more time with my first love. I don't mind going back to that stage of dating and getting to know each other all over again. I've realized that I continue to fail due to my foolishness in trying to depend on my own strength and power; although You've made it known to me many times that, "... without Me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5)... So I find myself begging, "please show me how to get back to that place of intimacy", to which You replied, "I'm right where you left me"... My prayer is no longer "teach me your ways", but "help me to live in light of your ways".

I want to love you with all my heart, soul, mind and body but I need to abide in You and allow You to truly abide in me in order for that to happen.

 Because like an unwanted visitor, when I first invited You in, I didn't make you feel comfortable. Although I gave you access to certain parts, you were also restricted from many others because I was ashamed.. You only had access to the best looking room but we both know that it's really not the best per say, it's just the only one I had the chance to patch up so far.. I'm now giving you access to the ugly, embarrassing and filthy rooms. You are now truly welcome in this place. You have my permission to change, decorate and renovate my place.. And please ignore me if and when I try to give you my unwanted ideas and opinions on what the place should look like.

 So I give my heart to You all over again to chip away, to mold and shape into Yours.. Continue the work that You have started in me. Turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh; give life to every dead bone in me. Live in me and through me. Amen!

-Yetunde